Step 9 Questions

What amends do you think that you have already made? These can include apologies already made, helpful tasks for those that you have hurt, changed attitudes and so forth.

From your list of amends, if there are apologies that you need to make, journal them.

Set some amends goals. Set reasonable deadlines and goals for apologizing. Be specific or a general as you want.

What is the relationship that is bothering you the most right now? What do you need to do to take care of yourself in that relationship? What would you say if you were free to be entirely honest with that person about your behaviors, your feelings, and what you wanted and needed? How have you discounted yourself or not owned your power in that relationship? How have you discounted or devalued the other person?

What is the biggest guilt that you have right now? Using the steps, how can you deal with it so you can be done with the guilt?

Read your apologies to a friend or a sponsor and ask them if it sounds sincere or if it sounds defensive or like an attack on the other person. Journal the responses they have about them.

Role play with your sponsor or friends for anything that you are going to say when making amends. Journal how these practice sessions went and what you learned.

After you have had your first encounter with making amends, journal what happened. How did you feel about it? How did the other person respond? What have you learned from this? What would you do differently next time?

After you have done your first several encounters for making amends (for example, after 5 times of making amends), journal your overall impressions. Is there anything common? Has anything surprised you? Has anything disappointed you?

How do you feel about the process of making amends and how has it affected you?

What amends do you have the most difficulty making? What do you need to do to be able to make these amends?

How has making amends affected your relationship with others?

How are you dealing with the feedback from others after making amends? How are you feeling? How are you dealing with the desire to defend yourself?

For any amends you have made, write a self-forgiveness affirmation that helps you let go of the guilt.

Write down any other amends that you found that you needed to make after starting the process of making amends.

How can you celebrate or honor the completion of your making amends (step 9)?

Have you had any dreams about making amends? If so, describe them in detail.

Describe any celebrations or activities that you have done to honor the completion of your making amends.

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